5.31.2011

I Need A Break

Today is just “one of those days.” I’m exhausted. I’m sad. I’m flat-broke. And I’m broken.

I need a break… and I DON’T mean a break from rescue.

I need a break from PEOPLE… people who demand of me, take advantage of me, and lack respect for me. I need a break from those who make false promises… who tell me that I can depend on them… and then constantly let me down.

I need a break from people who think that their own commitments, families, and lives are more important than mine. I need a break from people who take from my life... so that they can live stress-free. I need a break from people who believe I must be obligated… just because I care…

I need a break from expectations of help, when I have no more help to give. I need a break from those who always need me, but turn their heads when I need them. I need a break from those who say they support me… but in truth, are never there for me.

I need a break from the 6 a.m. rude phone calls, and the ones at half past midnight. I need a break from the assumption that I get paid to help them, when I don’t make a dime. I need a break from paying out of pocket, when my bank account is empty. I need a break from the perception that I’ve got help, when it’s honestly just me.

I need a break from the hatred of the world, and the ignorance of society. I need a break from awful animal abusers, and those who just don’t care. I need a break from irresponsible owners, and the suffering they create. I need a break from authorities that could help them, but just don’t see the need.

I need a break from the indifference of owner surrenders, and the resulting euthanasia. I need a break from the public blaming shelters, for an obvious societal problem. I need a break from so-called “rescue supporters,” who buy their dogs from breeders. I need a break from people who don’t spay/neuter, then expect me to take the offspring.

I need a break from puppies being born… and innocent puppies dying. I need a break from Senior dogs on death row, and little dogs in cages. I need a break from the sea of black dogs waiting... for a home that will never come. I need a break from shelters packed with Pit Bulls, who never stand a chance. I need a break from Breed Specific Legislation (BSL), and the idiots who support it. I need a break from a government that takes my money, but never helps my cause.

I need a break from a world that doesn’t get me… and the loneliness I feel.
I need a break from the constant daily struggle... and a battle that's all uphill.
I need a break from people who think I’m crazy… and all the tears I cry.
I need a break from feeling like a failure… because I even try...

Of course, I’m just venting… and tomorrow will be better. Because when I feel like this, I take the break I need from people, and focus on the ones who keep me going… the dogs.

And honestly... that’s all the break I need.

71 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm feelin' it all...everything you said. I sincerely do wish that I was closer, because money helps, but so does being there in person, to share the wonderful purpose that you serve. Vent, get it out, get some puppy lovin', and know that the ones that care will be here tomorrow.

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  2. Just said a prayer for you Ashley. The dogs cannot have a break from you! You are great at what you do and can only do so much.

    Katie

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  3. I know this feeling well....you will pull through because that's what you do and you there will always be the "good" ones behind you that follow through :) <>

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  4. Thanks y'all :) Honestly, I'm fine. Just venting! I feel much better now :)

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  5. You need a huge hug! Here it goes Ashley, you deserve it. Don't let all those jerks ruin your life. TY from all the pups you have saved! Thanks for caring! <3<3

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  6. Miss Ashley,
    You are one of the most awesome people I have never met and I want you too know what you are doing for all of these beautiful creatures!! Keep your head up and dont let people get you down,together all of us who love what you stand for and what you do for all animal's know you are the Awesomest !!!! Love ya lots and all your beautiful animals!!
    Suzanne Taylor

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  7. I can't even imagine how hard your life is sometimes. You help such a great cause and touch so many lives, both human and canine. You give and give and give and don't get much in return except for the personal reward of all the dogs you help. Remember that there are people who share your views and who see you as a saint. All the dogs you come into contact with are changed forever in such a positive way.

    And always remember at the end of the day of course that you are valued and loved by so many and also...

    people suck, dogs rule :-)

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  8. The task you have taken on is demanding and stressful. It always does good to vent. And who knows? Maybe someone who has done any of these things will see this and it will make them stop and think, and hopefully will right a wrong.
    You are an astonishing person, so full of love for the animals. I cannot have any more than my 1 cat, for I can't afford to take care of any more in the manner they would need. I sit here and advocate and share and re-post..every day...every day I cry..am maddened, am saddened with all the ones that come across..way too many..but I have 2 friends that I know of that have saved some babies, and to me, even just one is worth the tears. It's hard to keep doing it, but we do, don't we? Because like you said, the babies are the ones that keep us going. Please rest and know that your efforts and sacrifices are so greatly appreciated by all of us, and even more appreciated by all the happy little ones who walk out that door into the sun, going HOME. Thank you so much.

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  9. Hello Ashley, I've never met you, but I can feel your pain 110%. I have never been in a situation to be able to take on rescues. It's almost always money issues and lack of space. I live in a tiny apartment with a cat and two other people, I found my cat on the street when he was just 4 months old. He is 8 now and is pretty much the center of my life.
    I share pictures of dogs and ask people, who can, to adopt every chance I get. I give money to shelters that don't kill innocent animals left to die by selfish people who see them as nothing more than possessions. I swore to myself that never would I purchase a pet from a store or support organizations that sell them.
    When I am not at work and when they need me, I walk dogs at a shelter here in New York. For a few months I walked a dog that no one else wanted to, a hyper 2 year old Brindle Pit named Mango. She was fortunately adopted after spending over a year at the shelter. I have also promised myself that when I am in the position to, I will adopt a pit. I will be moving to Alabama soon, and again if I am in the position to, i will foster for you.
    Anyway, what I am trying to say is that it is understandable that you are overwhelmed, and although for every 1 person you meet who appreciates your work, there will be 3 who will use you, we are still here and we admire your courage and will support you to the best of our abilities.
    Thank you for all you do and you are not going unnoticed.

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  10. I feel your pain honey- you just brought tears to my eyes. Take a rest. Take a breath. Take a bath. Breathe. Reboot tomorrow. You just keep doing your part- I'll do mine and pray we keep making an impact. Because you are. Tomorrow is another day. WOOF! Danielle

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  11. You are an absolute angle...a saint. I wish I could do what you do. I am in a house with a wonderful person, I call her "Mom" She is not an animal person but let me and my precious furbaby move in and rent with her. I love her more than anything. But....I wish I was in a place where I could do what you do. My baby is a black dog... rescued as a puppy from a shelter in TN. She is my world. I am broke also...but still give up for me to help rescues in any way I can. I would give anyting to have a place where I could save at least one or two. Everything I see posted on FB keeps me in tears. My baby comes and licks the tears off my face and then brings me a toy as if to say "here mommy...it wil be ok" My dream is to one day have a rescue, where I can do what you do and show these babies that there are people who really do care. You are an inspiration. You are AWESOME. Never forget that and don't let anyone ever tell you any different. You have made a difference to so many lives. I read your blogs every day, and I wish I was near you so I could help you. Tell me how to donate to help your cause and it will be done. I dont have much, but I will do what I can. Your stories make me cry, but also make me smile knowing that there are people out there that do care...that make a difference. I am sending you (((HUGS))) You are an amazing woman!!!
    Lynette

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  12. I think all of us that deals with animals, animal rescue and those of us behind the scenes who try to get laws passed to protect the innocent ones get to the point of where you just were. Thank God when I get to the point and say to hell with people, I look into the eyes of one of my rescues and see the love and appreciation and it keeps me going.

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  13. i so understand your pain and frustration. it is never the dogs who cause it, but the people. and like you, i frequently cry, scream and vent because they ignorantly cause so much suffering and needless death to innocent animals !!! namaste . . .

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  14. jjtaylor, agreed! Sometimes I need to vent, but I never give up and always look to them to keep me going :)

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  15. Keep up the good work. I think all of us in rescue have those days but like you said the dogs are so worth it!

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  16. God love ya Ashley. I can feel your frustration through the words you write and all I can think about is what can I say to help you feel better. It reminds me of a quote: "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on" - Eleanor Roosevelt. I can't tell you how much I respect and admire you and your efforts and we've never even met! Don't underestimate your progress and all you've done as "one person". Your efforts have saved lives and not many people can say that. I'm sending you the prayers and positive energy to help you continue the fight! Don't let the ignorance of people derail you from living a life filled with passion. They obviously don't know anything about that and unfortunately for them are going to go through their whole lives missing the point. Peace.

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  17. Honestly, I am with you on all of those points, I know I don't have a shelter to run, but in many of those ways I am with you. I hate seeing what people can do to animals and I thank people like yourself with all of my heart to do what I personally can not at this moment in time. I hate seeing the broken look in a animal's eyes when they've been left behind, I just wish I could do something close to what you do everyday for these animals. keep doing your amazing work =] I support you full heartedly. -internet hugs- (lol)

    Maddie

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  18. Ashley- I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am not a pet rescue, but own a business, and I'm sick and tired of people not respecting the fact that I MAY perhaps have a life too. People SUCK. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do. As I write this, I have a rescued mutt wagging his stump as he states at me, and rescued cat pawing at my face. Also, my husband will be driving out to Ohio from New Jersey to rescue a dog named "Buster" who I fell in love with while on Pet Pardons. I hate the fact that you have to see some of the things you see. I know it must feel like you're a hamster on a wheel sometimes.....actually alot of times. All I can do
    Is thank you again for what you do, spread your word, and hope that these assholes change....soon!!!

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  19. Yup...I am there too. Well, said!!

    - Kara

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  20. Oh, hon! I absolutely understand where you are coming from. What astonishes me is that you go forth each day, anyway; I was too daunted by the very things you list to even begin! I'm sorry about all of the asshats out there who make life miserable for animals and for people who care about them. I want huge things for you because you, above anyone I can think of, deserve them. I support you the only way I can at the moment, by passing along info to my network in hopes they will do the same. If EVER you need someone in the MN/WI corridor - I HAVE YOUR BACK. Period. No Questions. It's all I am able to do. I can help arrange drivers and network like mad - I can passionately endorse you and Lucky Dog for any monetary awards - and yet, somehow, it feels like it will never be enough. I dream every day that it could be more. Blessings on you, Ashley.

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  21. That was so moving and I felt your pain. I almost cried. I'm sorry things are the way they are and no matter how hard we all fight they don't seem to improve. Know that there are thousands of us out there fighting the fight with you and feeling sad & alone as well.
    Keep doing what your doing becuase people do care and the dogs, most of all. You are never really alone. We've got your back.

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  22. patricia nicoliniMay 31, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    I am sorry you can't count on other people Ashley, You deserve better. For what it is worth, there are days I wish I lived in your town so I could come help you, but Long Island is very far away.Now I know this dosent give you a "break" , but when I go to my town shelter, inspired by in part you and while I am out in the yard and one of "MY DOGS" gives me a smile and a kiss, I often think of you and all the wonderful people giving of themselves for the animals. And that is how I can give back and give someine else a "break". God Bless you <3

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  23. "I need a break from a world that doesn’t get me… and the loneliness I feel..."
    Ms. Ashley, some of us totally get it. As Elie Weisel has said:
    "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference..."
    It's hearts that can't open. There's people out here that are working along with you. Bless you.

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  24. Brought me to tears and I 100% agree with everything you say!!!!!!!!!!! You're great.

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  25. i can so relate on what you've written here. i have those days at least once a month.

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  26. Ashley you are not alone I know you know that - I feel that way everyday of my life. God bless you for what you do and the animals love you. Hopefully that helps you find peace when you look into those beautiful faces.

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  27. God love ya hun!!! Totally understanding your frustration as I have been there, oh so many times, but you find the strength and go at it all over again. Just like you, I also turn to the dogs for the unconditional love that they are so willing to give and we are in such need of on a regular basis!! Bless you for all that you do!!

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  28. Wow!! You must have been reading my mind!! It has been one of those days, so many dogs!! So much abuse!! The puppies, the seniors, the heartlessness and the cruelty. God bless you for what you do!

    I do a lot of cross posting, re-posting , praying and crying! My family thinks I'm nuts and ask me why I keep reading and posting, and praying and crying. How can you explain it's not really a choice and to stop would be even worse? A gift from God? or a curse? I don't think you choose to want to do this, but you have too!!!

    We have 5 cats and 3 dogs, and a very tight budget, and every day I hurt because I can't do more.

    Thanks for all you do!! Words can't express how much!

    Thanks for giving me a place to vent where I know I'm understood.

    Again, God Bless You!!!

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  29. thank you for being a animal rescuer,the animals know that they can depend on you helping them.the animals love you very much!

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  30. I am sorry honey - it must get exhausting! I feel you - I want to do more, but I have no means right now and to see all the bad crap that keeps happening and the wonderful animals we cheer and pray for dying is very hard. I cry every day! All we can do on these days is pray! Pray for more strength, pray it gets better. You are making such a difference in so many lives!!! I admire you and your beautiful heart so much. You are amazing!!! You will feel this way some days and its ok. We all love you and what you fight for! Relax tonight, if you can and tomorrow is a new day. XOXO

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  31. u get all the love and respect in this world and the next and as many hugz from my furry family that u could ever stand!!!!!!!!!!!!!to all those haters out there FOCUS!!!!!!

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  32. You are a special person who goes a long way with what resources you have. I admire you and it also makes me sad how people think dogs n cats are disposable. They are sweet things who deserve homes and you work so hard trying to support those precious babies. Wished there was more support and ways to get cats n dogs fixed so we would not have this very sad part of our life. I know every dog n cat cant be saved but you try to. Bless you.... you are their angel. Dont give up.

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  33. You need God and your dogs' love, but I'm sure you already know that. Ashley, you're one of the most inspiring people because of your profound concern and commitment to end the shameful suffering of animals. We're all proud of you.

    It's so wearisome on the soul to behold this suffering day after day. It's so maddening to behold the indifference to it. But with every small victory, we bring God's light into this darkness.

    I'd like to offer you some help, even though I don't really have any money to spare. I'd be happy to do any graphic design work you need, pro bono. If you need anything, please let me know, and I will do my best to make time right away.

    –Patrick

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  34. wow! and you know what - all the dog lovers out there feel the same way! but in the end, the only thing that matters is the dogs because they appreciate everything you do unconditionally, and that should make you feel so much better!!!

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  35. God Bless. Thank God for rescue folks like you. All my companions, from ferrets to horsed have been abandoned, abused, unwanted and sick. They have been my dearest companions.

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  36. Bless you for all you do

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  37. You DESERVE a break, and so much more. You are, perhaps, somewhat out of place here in this sea of humanity because you are an Earth Angel. Many talk the talk....you walk the walk....the LONG, TIRING, EXHAUSTING, HEARTWRENCHING walk. But, at times on that walk...a precious life is saved....thanks to YOU. What greater gift can anyone give? I (and MANY others) respect and admire you very, very much, and you are loved the true, abiding and completly unconditional love of the animals. There is no love purer.

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  38. There's a reward for you and all the heart-felt emotion you pour into the lives of these four-legged treasures... it's called Heaven... and you're certainly earning your wings every day you provide a voice for those who have none... God bless you, and ALL THAT YOU DO.

    DLR in Des Moines

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  39. Ashley....I wish there was something I could say to help ease the pain, frustration, anguish, and heartbreak you're feeling today....Yes it's extremely difficult, especially when you're doing SOOO much, and all on your own. I have felt the same way on several occasions as well, but as you stated....the dogs (all animals) help because they have the most unconditional source of love on the planet. Please know that whatever you may need, that we are here for you. We are in California, but will do whatever it takes to continue to help save these precious lives....Yes thank God that tomorrow is another day...

    Always here for you Ashley

    ~California Cares ♥

    P.S. I don't know how to use the "Comment as:" area so I chose anonymous....sorry. Not the best puter skills...

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  40. I think you're awesome and I empathize with how you are feeling. I could never express the manner of how I'm tired of people. It would come back to bite me. Stay strong, take breathers, and the dogs love you for what you do. I appreciate and applaud your efforts.

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  41. She also needs money. Can we all give a dollar or two??? or maybe skip that cup of java for the day and donate to her!!!:)

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  42. Ashley, I 100% agree with you and I relate to you. In some way I feel that I have found "someone" who feels the way I do about animals in general. I'm to the point where I hate the human race for what it has obviously created and won't take ownership of. Rumania has a solution, Kill all the strays. But who created the problem, the human. We need to stop the bleeding and Ashley, one by one you WILL do it. With a little help from your true friends. Cherie Rosenberger because I to do not know how to use the "comment as"

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  43. >Anonymous said...

    She also needs money. Can we all give a dollar or two??? or maybe skip that cup of java for the day and donate to her!!!:) <

    Okay, damnit, YES! I'm freaking scraping bottom, but if it's for the dogs, I can find it! I'm in for $20. ANYONE ELSE?

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  44. Angels get tired too.... my prayers are with you sweet girl. Your burdens of your heart will tear you down once in awhile, but your heart is big and God knows what you do and he will not burden you with a cross you cannot bear. I pray you get the help you need and the break that you deserve...

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  45. You're an extraordinary person. I used to be one. I didn't rescue dogs, I worked with the lowest parts of society. I'm spent now. I'm more than twice your age, and I can't do right now what I was put here to do. I didn't take breaks, I put me had down and bore through it until my tank was beyond empty. Take time for yourself, howl at the moon, splash in a fountain, eat the the worm at the bottom of the bottle. Don't make the mistakes I made. And when you need to vent, vent away. Bless you, And don't let hubris destroy you, if you need money, set up a chip in. As they said in Field of Dreams "They will come John, for it's money they have, and peace they need, they will most definently come" And they will chip in. If you let them. Now got get them, and don't let the bastards get you down.

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  46. I would like to donate some money to your cause with all of the work that you for the dogs.
    I am a proud owner of a female American Pit Bull Terrier and she is the love of my life.
    So on behalf of both she and I- we have $100 to help with some of your costs-just send me an email with where to send the cheque.
    I can be reached at louiiseeames@gmail.com

    Much love and hugs to you and your rescues.
    Louiise and Maliika

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  47. I'm not going to say anything b/c I think you need a break from comments, too! LOL

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  48. God bless you, Ashley.

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  49. God bless you for all your hard work and for saving the life of so many animals. There are days when it seems we do not get a break or support but rest assure that what you do takes a lot of strength and courage. The pets that you have saved makes all the difference in this difficult careless world we live in. I thank you for standing up and being the voice of so many unwanted pets. Many pets are living happy lives because of you. Thank you for being you!!!!!!!!!!!

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  50. Ashley, you have a good heart. This world would be a better place if more people had a heart like yours. Animals are the only creatures that give loyal, undying love til the end without expecting anything from us. May God bless you for all you do for these sweet furbabies. I will remember you in my prayer.

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  51. My first reaction when I read your post was to jump on a plane and spend a few weeks helping you. My first response is always to fix things. It's my nature. However, I don't think this is about a quick fix. If it were, your quest in life would be so much easier. I sense your frustration, your sadness, your disappointment today. Though we have never met, I know you on a human level. As a human being you expect that other human beings would be empathetic enough to have gentle hearts and gentle words. Sadly, that is not always the case. I also sense your frustration with the system that is set up to protect animals from any wrongs put forth. I am a teacher and have worked with eight year olds for 15 years. I know that the very system that is set up to protect our most treasured and our most dependent is often the same system that fails them. Ashely, I wish I knew how to "fix" this broken system that you deal with on a daily basis. I know you would give anything for that to happen as well. I know you know that what you do is important, vital. You have a gift from God. Thank you for all that you do for our four legged friends (I call them furry humans). Chin up and keep fighting for the ones that need you most.

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  52. Ashley, I wish I was there to give you a big hug. You do so much for so many and I know it must be a daunting task. Thank you for all that you do.

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  53. You are true inspiration to me I hope one day to have a rescue like yours. My true passion is saving dogs, and being able to follow your facebook page has only made my desire stronger. Keep up the hard work for you have saved so many dogs lives, and have shown them sweeter life. Thanks again for all your hard work and dedication.

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  54. Wish I knew how to use the comment section too. Aren't there some instructions somewhere? Ashley, do you accept Paypal? If so, I am ready to donate.

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  55. Ah, should have looked first... of course you do! I have donated! People, make a donation, even if it's only $5. Paypal is soooo easy to use.
    Lizzie... from Michigan

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  56. As I sit here reading your Blog and it breaks my heart for all the strays and abuse and people who just don't get it...The responsibility of having another member of the family to love and take care of ...The commitment...The commitment...There are so many ways to avoid so many of the problems going on today with animal abuse but people just won't listen and GET IT...I do as I adopted 2 rescues living on the streets in the Bahamas who would most likely been euthinized just because...I went thru hell and back including 3 pages of what if questions and a home visit before I was allowed to bring my boys home...They are a delight...almost...lol...but we need more in society than is going on...You are a great force to deal with but we need more people like you to help...We need a plan...We need to go to our legislators and such to work out a plan to help with these babies of all ages and breeds...Pitts are given a bad rep and I underatand that...You give us an informative outlook and it's wonderful :)Keep up the great work but don't be afraid to go national and ask for help...Will be there for you whenever I can...just ask :) (((((HUGS)))))

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  57. Let's get behind Ashley--please repost this on your blog or on facebook--Ashley needs a boost--If you have ever loved a dog-felt their unforgiving love--take a minute and donate -- even if it is only a few dollars--that could help purchase dog food or a treat for a dog that has never felt the love or the compassion of someone....thanks for all you do ashley!
    chris

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  58. I have posted on my facebook page and will blog about the WONDERFUL things you do later today--and I will be donating today also...thank you for all you do!!!
    chris

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  59. Ashley... I'm going to link your page to my blog. I can't do much to help but I will use all the resources I have available to get you some help.

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  60. Ashley, go ahead and vent. It's good for you. But always take time for yourself to recharge your batteries. Maybe you should turn the phone off for one day a week so that you can spend time with your family and doggies. You have to recharge to carry on!

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  61. Amen Ashley on the spay/neutering.....I too am in rescue and our organization just took in 60+ poms and chi's plus 6 peacocks and 4 finches (back yard breeder)...I thank you for what you are doing and totally understand the calls and emails you get

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  62. Hugs!!!

    you are doing an amazing job, being an awesome person!

    And venting is good!

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  63. You are in my thoughts Ashley...so many out here love you and all that you do and we all wish we were closer to physically help you out. I will make a donation also, anything to help a friend.

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  64. Beautifully will said. So many of us feel exactly like that. If we complaint just a little too someone, the first reply is get out of rescue. Easier said than to do. Once you understand what's going on, you can't turn your back on them.
    Thanks for posting, I shared as a note on FB (crediting you & blog) for others to post to their wall to always have for those special days when we need comforting words.

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  65. I found out today that one of our foster dogs was taken to the pound just two weeks after being adopted and was euthanized. I want to break someones face, but all I can do is take another foster and hope for the best.

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  66. I have shared your feelings on my Facebook page and one of your photo's and a poem on my wordpress page. I hope this is ok. I would really like to follow the story of the dog in the photo, if you could please help. Humans are a lonely bunch and really do not care. This is a hard life's work, you, we have chosen and it is only in the volumes of love from a dog that you can go on. The law makers around the world should all rot in hell. Blessings to you from australia x

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  67. Ashley, I clicked on the "Venting" topics of your blog and was surprised to find that we have both felt and experienced the same things. I have actually thought to myself "I bet no one treats Ashley Owen Hill this way" or "I bet no one tells lies about Ashley to further their own agenda". Reading your struggles, and seeing you post about them openly on your blog is so empowering to me. Being a founder, a leader, and making a difference is such a tough position to be in. We knew it would be difficult, but did we ever imagine we would face some of these tireless battles with other humans, other people who also love animals? I think it will be a long time until I can open my heart so freely as you have in your blog, but I am getting there. Your words will continue to make me feel like "I'm not the only one", and for anyone, that is something important, something so big. Thank you.

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