5.13.2011

No Humor Allowed

So let’s laugh for a minute, shall we?
Or is that allowed?

Wait, crap… that’s not okay, is it? We have to be serious, right? Silly me, I forgot the "rules" of animal rescue. I should know better by now. No laughing. No fun. No smiling.

Hey you... over there… Is that a smirk on your face? What the hell is wrong with you, freak? You better turn that grin upside down, buddy, and get your happy ass back to despair. And don’t let this happen again… moron.

Here are “the rules” set by a few animal rescuers, which they expect the rest of us to follow: 
(Note: These are not MY rules, and I refuse to follow them. I just find them ridiculously, insanely, hilarious.)

1)     In animal rescue, you must remain stoic, unsmiling, and humorless at all times. (Yes. This sounds fun. Please continue...)

2)     You must spend all day, every day, looking at horrific images, urgent animals, and helpless cases. You must ensure that this activity zaps all of the joy out of your life, and do not try to replenish your happy supply. We don’t need you ruining our hard-earned misery... with your hippity-hoppity, upbeat attitude. Hopping is for bunnies. You are a person.

3)     You must crosspost with reckless abandon. You must feel worthless while doing so. You must say “shared.” If you don’t say “shared,” it didn’t happen.

4)     When someone states: “Adopted” or “Rescued” on a thread, DO NOT take time to rejoice. Do not throw your hands in the air and scream: “YAY!!!” What… you think this is a freaking theme park?? Hey lady... Jump-off that crazy train... and get back to depressed and miserable. Happiness is for pansies. Pansies are flowers. You, my friend, are a rescuer.

5)     You can cry. You can sob. You can scream. But don’t you dare laugh. NO HUMOR ALLOWED. Do not partake in activities that bring you any form of joy.  If it makes you smile, stop it now. If it makes you laugh, go to hell.

6)     Do not make innocent jokes for the sake of your sanity. What the heck is wrong with you? You think it’s okay to lighten the mood?  We’ve worked for years to set this mood lighting to the perfect level of dark and depressing. You like sunshine? Go to the beach. Wait… no. Beaches are fun. DO NOT go to the beach. Fun is for children. You are an adult. Grow up and cry yourself to sleep already.

7)     “Real” rescuers have zero emotion. I know I said you can cry... but I lied. I rescue animals. I can do that.

8)     If you feel completely worthless… good. If you feel hollow inside… perfect. If you feel like you may go insane… damn right you will. Sanity is an illusion. Illusions are for magicians. You, little one, are an animal advocate. (Duh...everyone knows that the word “advocate” really means “depressed lunatic.” That’s like first grade English or something.)

9)     It’s important to note: As a rescuer, you must attempt to undermine the efforts of all other rescuers. This only sounds “crazy” ... if you’re completely sane. In my rescue-reality, this makes perfect sense… because we’re all meant to work against each other. In it for the same reason? Please! I’m in it for me.

10)  If I catch you breaking one of these rules, I will come onto your facebook wall ... and make you feel like an ass. I will have the nerve to write rude comments on YOUR personal page, calling you names and saying you exhibit a “lack of compassion.” Especially if I see any semblance of humor taking place on your stupid, childish wall. Everyone knows ... once you become a “rescuer,” your personal page is no longer personal. It’s open to scrutiny and judgment... and your posts must remain serious at all times. After I berate you, I’ll be freaking pissed when you block me. How dare you? Blocking is for football. I, dumbass, am an animal rescuer.

Wait…I’m sorry. THESE are the rules? Okay, see… cause I thought it was about balance. Fighting for the animals... while trying to stay happy and positive. Working through the heartbreak and misery... by rejoicing in the successes. Taking a break from the tears... to enjoy a little innocent laughter. Dedicating all of my time to helping every last dog that I can... while still trying to appreciate the one life that is mine to live.

But what do I know, right? I'm just a bunny-hopping, pansy-smelling, child magician, football player.

If you believe in the above set of rules, it’s time to take a step back and remember why we do this. We save lives to bring JOY to those who are saved. This process should also bring joy to YOU, too. If your life is completely void of enjoyment, happiness, and laughter, then you’re missing the point. It’s okay to smile every now and then. You may even try laughter... if you’re feeling ballsy.

Don’t be a downer. Downers are for drug addicts. You, sweet friend, are an animal rescuer.

36 comments:

  1. I will go ahead & say that THIS IS INTENDED TO BE FUNNY and lighten the mood for my rescue friends. It's meant to be silly, and I hope you can enjoy that I was just trying to bring a little humor to the day :)

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  2. So you don't like my rules? Fine, have it your way, be happy, whatever the hell that is. I'm going to get a Xanax refill. Good luck with all of this.

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  3. This made me laugh so much. I had to share it with a couple people in my office. Ha ha! Have a great weekend!! - Shannon

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  4. Ashley, They say "Laugher is the best medicine" so yes I laughed. You definitely put everything into perpective...WE should REJOICE in Rescue. Yes, we would like to save them all...Quote by an Unknown Author "Saving one dog won't change the World, but it will change the World for that One Dog." Thank you for the Smile & Laugher, please keep it going :)
    Sandy, Individual Rescuer

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  5. Liked your post...Don't even know you but love what you do and what you stand for and I am proud of you and always be grateful for what you do and for who you are. God bless you and all those animals who you advocate for... Kim Welker

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  6. LOL @PetPardons!

    I love this blog, great job Ashley!! :)

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  7. Brenda J., Terre Haute, IN 47802May 13, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    This is so funny, I did laugh, ALOT!! Thank you! People ask me all the time, how can you look at all those hopeless animals all the time? I just say, 'cuz there's some of them, that I advocate for that get saved & I feel so much joy, it makes advocating for all I can so worth it. You never know, which ones, you advocate for will get saved & which ones won't so I advocate for as many as I can on a daily basis through the tears as I read many sad stories. Then on the days, I have tears of joy for the ones, I helped advocate for, it makes it all worth the while!! SO KEEP ADVOCATING!!! And KEEP LAUGHING WHEN YOU CAN!!!

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  8. Thanks y'all! I'm so glad this made you smile :)

    "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite" -Elf

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  9. I think Ashley needs a television program to help further this cause! (a reality show worth watching, like the Dog Whisperer :)
    Thank you for reminding me to smile and celebrate the successes, when most of the time what people are doing to/not doing for these animals makes me want to cry/scream.

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  10. I heart you and am "sharing" this on Facebook, cause really - it's totally worth cross posting. :D

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  11. wonderfully said!..i live for my babies & helping all others..it is good to laugh now & again..if i didn't i would surely lose it..LOL

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  12. I think it's all needed...a little humor, a little prozac and a lot of support from other rescuers!

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  13. OMG - if one of my hounds doesn't make me laugh heartily at least once a day, I really need to check myself. What else does one do when your visiting vet says "There's a dog on your roof?" and you know EXACTLY who is it! HAHAHAHAHA.
    Love the post. Love the concept. I recently unfriended a person on FB whom I really like but whose posts were continual downers, not helping the cause at all :(.

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  14. This is why I love your blog, your Facebook page and your message so very much! Your inner light shines through even the darkest of situations. The fact that you can do SO MUCH and still remain happy, cheerful and is an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us - and with the very lucky dogs who come into your care.

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  15. Great post, I know it's meant to be funny and it surely is but you don't know how also TRUE to the words you are with alot of rescuers. If only they could cherish life as much as you do while they are doing great things. Celebrate the successes! Thanks for the friday levity and all you do :)

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  16. Ashley, never lose that wonderful smile, that sense of humour, that upbeat attitude even in the face of so much sadness and, most of all, the unbelievable compassion you have for all of those in your life--four-legged and two-legged. YOU are what an animal rescuer SHOULD be like, and it's your unfailing positivity that makes me want to do as much as I possibly can to help those precious animals that depend on us. Never, ever change...and especially don't change into those jealous, selfish debbie downers who apparently have forgotten the true meaning of what you guys do.

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  17. Hey, we're supposed to be funny, you're suppose to rescue dogs. Now do we have to go rescue a dog? This is so confusing. Plus you should have this on stone tablets. You'd have to to shorten them though. How about this. #1 Lightin up.

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  18. I am not a rescuer, but some day justs cross-posting and seeing all the poor animals in need and knowing all I can do is nothing more then share can make me sad. I can only imagine what it does to you all on the front lines. It is nice to see a lighter brighter side once in awhile. God bless you all!

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  19. :-D Thanks for all that you do for the animals... AND for keeping a sense of humor. :-D

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  20. Very Well Done!

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  21. Thanks, i'm new to online fb advocacy as of last night, nice blog induction ;)

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  22. You need to laugh in the midst of all the sadness otherwise you would be on Prozac. Really... we can't save them all, but the ones we do we change their lives and the lives of those who adopt them!! That right there is enough for me. I cry at those who don't make it, but know that we at least helped to save SOME that day. Life is hard, let's not make it harder on ourselves by zapping what little joy we have in our lives!

    Angela Avery
    Ludowici, GA

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  23. You totally ROCK, Ashley! <3
    Thank you for being *YOU*!

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  24. AMEN! I love it! And thank you for the help you give to the furbabies! :)

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  25. Girl...you may be a bunny-hopping, pansy-smelling, child magician, football player...but u r the Booo-Bomb-Diggity :D YAYYY!!! Thank you for all you do!!

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  26. Way to go "Little One"....You have come a Long way since last November...I knew You would...Alway go with Your Heart, Be true to Yourself..
    We (I) am so Proud of all that you do...:)

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  27. I agree with most of what you wrote here. It makes me sad to see how other rescue people seem to want SO badly to be miserable...to act like every other rescuer is an idiot...to undermine the good work of other rescuers in order to steal that "rescue glory moment" (when there are plenty of other animals to help, thankyouverymuch!). I constantly get tagged in horrendous pictures with no information on how to help, and invited to illogical, rage-filled causes that don't really achieve anything meaningful beyond fanning a LOT of flames. People need to realize that just because you take on meaningful work, does not mean that your life needs to be devoid of all joy.

    The only thing I disagree with is marking "shared" on photos I have shared while crossposting. I don't do that so that everyone gives me a big fat pat on the back, I do it to let the original poster know that there has been an effort to get that animal wider attention. That way they don't feel that their pleas for help are being ignored. I know if I don't see any activity on the animals in my albums, I get worried.

    Thanks for the very interesting blog.

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  28. I loved this and linked it on my wall. It's so true and I love the humor! Besides, dogs need happy relaxed humans around them or else they pick up our stress. We don't need to be making it worse. lol

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  29. Hahaha! Just when I think I know how awesome you are, you go and write something that makes you even MORE awesome! I <3 U!

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  30. Oh I like this. Very much.

    Angela
    UK

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  31. Loved this post Ashley! Thank you! You brought a smile to a bad day today! Haha!!

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  32. Don't tell anyone but I laughed twice reading this!! LOL I love reading your blog and I feel inspired to tell a joke today!
    ~Kelley

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  33. You have so inspired me after reading this that I rescued a few brewskis (refering to prior post)! YOU GO GIRL!

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