Save the Beers

Funny....
I should be "funny" today.

Yep

I'm sure everyone can use a laugh... so let's make that happen at my expense, okay? 

PS- For anyone who is "lacking" in the sense of humor department, it's probably best to leave now... before your unnecessary judgment begins to eat away at your soul.

(I mean that in a loving way. Really.)

Sooo, I won't lie... I'm feeling a little rough today. I'm not technically "sick." At least, not in the general sense of the word. Yet, I'm slightly functional... and hey... that's something.

But regardless of how I feel today, the laughs I had last night were totally worth the semi-permanent reduction in physical strength and mental capacity. Totally.

Most of you have no idea what I'm talking about right now. Yeah, me neither. But I know this much for sure: sometimes, you have to take a step back from all of the serious junk in the world... and just allow yourself to have some fun. I'm talking ridiculously stupid, completely nonsensical, seemingly-immature-but-well-worth-the-effort fun.

I try to have fun every day, but let's be honest... some days, it just ain't gonna happen. Certain days may start off on a decent foot, but it doesn't take long for the asshats to show-up, the bills to arrive, and the world to say, "Oh really?! You thought today was going to be 'fun?!' That's hilarious! Good luck, stupid!"

Other days, you never had a shot at fun. You wake up late, and the first words out of your mouth are, "Son-of-a-piece-of-a-mother-jank-face!" And from there... it's game over. On days like that, your only hope for sanity (or maybe the opposite?) is that end-of-day beer drinking.

Welcome to yesterday for me.

Reba McEntire, circa 1995

Last night, I altered my mission just a smidge: Save the beers. That's right. I said it. Judge me if you like, but those beers were cold and suffering... they needed me. And guess what? I was there for them. I certainly was.

After a trip to the shelter (beer store), several other facebook friends joined me... and within just a few short hours, we were able to create a nationwide network of beer rescuers.

Wait, crap... I forgot about all of the help we had in Canada, too. Why do I always seem to forget about Canada?? Oh, that's right... it's because most Mississippians are totally unaware that Canada is an actual country. I've had many arguments about this topic... and even though I'm unmistakably correct when I say, "It IS a country," I somehow always lose that battle 'round these parts. Oh well... small price to pay...

Okay, back to the pointless blog post that will inevitably ruin my reputation...

Sooo, last night's beer rescue league managed to produce one of the funniest nights ever recorded on facebook... with more than 268 hilarious comments on a photo of me drinking a beer-- Bud Light to be exact (I'm hoping for some kind of sponsorship).

Honestly, there's nothing better than a ridiculously long thread filled with inappropriate comments, political incorrectness, and borderline illegality. Well... depends on your definition of "borderline." I haven't heard from a few of you today... so... if you're looking to make bail, call someone else. I'm waaay low on cash, and my 2011 New Year's Resolution was to stay FAR AWAY from prison... at all costs. Sorry.

So, the first unnecessary thread led to a dare from Jodi Chick (proud Canadian) to upload a photo of myself posing as Reba McEntire, circa 1995 (don't ask). Since the word "dare" means "you have to," I made it happen. (And I scored a 5 spot. Ja-ja-ja- jackpot!)

$5 richer

That photo led to another ridiculous thread, and another photo request/dare from another random person. The stakes were high... he offered to be my friend in return for a photo with a special pose just for him. And so, once again, I was able to save yet another beer, and make another 5 bucks. If I'm being honest, I was damn proud of me.

Soooo, $10 and an unspecified number of beers later, I had accomplished my mission. That's right: I saved the beers last night, ladies and gentlemen. But really--as with all rescues--they saved me.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that a few dedicated beer drinkers changed the world last night. We made a difference by opening our hearts and veins to those in need. Thank you... to each and every one of you... for being selfless and giving enough to save sooo many sad, very cold beers from suffering. I believe a few Doritos found homes as well, and that's huge.

Thanks y'all, really. Because of you, I feel like pure ass today. It means so much.