After You Went to Heaven...

A letter to my Annie

Dear Annie,

Wow. I can't believe it's already been a year. How can that be possible? It seems like just yesterday that you were here with me... laughing, playing, and snuggling. But according to the calendar, you've been gone for one full year now.

So much has happened in the last year, Annie... I have so many things to tell you. I'm not sure if you realize this, but things are much better here now. Those things are better... because of you. 

In life, you had one wish: to matter to someone --just one someone-- and finally... you did. That someone was me. You mattered to me, Annie. More than you'll ever know.

But in death, there's been much more, sweet girl. More than you ever dreamed possible. Because your life didn't end when you died, Annie... your story has kept you alive. You probably won't believe this... because I honestly still can't, but either way, I think you deserve to know...

Annie, this is what happened... after you went to Heaven...

The day you died, my heart was broken, and my world changed forever. I missed your smile, and I missed your kisses. I missed your cuddles, and I missed your smell. I missed you, and I missed us. I missed everything.

I buried you next to Rudy, and a piece of my heart went with you. The remaining bits of my heart... laid in the ground with him. As I stared down at my children, in your graves there side-by-side, I wanted to crawl in with you, because I didn't feel alive.

Before you, I was broken. With you, I was whole. Because of you, I was saved. But without you... I was empty.  

I won't lie to you, Annie, it wasn't an easy time for me. But I held out hope, and I kept on going. And over time, I started to heal. The pain got better, and the days got easier. I saved more lives in your memory, and I pushed forward in your honor. 

Then, one day, I started writing again, something I'd given up for a while. And in March, for the first time, I decided to write your story. 

I sat down, and I thought back. I remembered, and I wrote. I smiled, and I cried. I laughed, and I sobbed. I felt hope; I felt anguish. I felt pride; I felt sorrow.

I wrote your story, "Before You Go to Heaven," from my heart, then I shared what I had written.

And ever since that day, nothing's been the same...

One person read your story, and then another few. Others started to read... and they all shared it, too. Then, thousands more joined in, who shared with thousands more...

And suddenly... everywhere I turned... you were alive again.

As your story wrapped around the world, things began to change. These were the very changes, I'd always hoped to see. I was honestly dumbfounded, and I still can't quite believe it. But I know one thing for sure... it was all because of you.

And Annie, in short, this is what you've done... since you went to Heaven...

You've inspired change, and you've changed views. You've opened minds, and you've presented truth. You've incited drive, and you've driven action. You've awakened spirits, and evoked reactions.

You've sparked discussions, and ignited flames. You've challenged convictions, and suggested change. You've recruited the willing, and rallied the able. You've empowered the weak, and strengthened the capable. 

You, Annie. Yes... you.

You've been idolized, and you've been recognized. You've been promoted, and you've been publicized. You've been in magazines, and you've been on websites. You've been tweeted by day, and you've been shared by night. 

You've reached across the nation, and been around the world. There are so many places you've inspired, little girl. You've been to California, and to Australia. You've visited Michigan, and then South Africa. You've reached Indiana, and parts of Asia. Then you touched New York, and the Himalayas.

You, sweet girl. You.  

You've made impossible wishes possible, and fantasies attainable. You've made the undesired desirable, and the unadmired admirable. You've made certain truths uncertain, and certain falsehoods true. You've made anything seem possible, for all the dogs like you. 

You've given hope to the hopeless, and love to the unloved. You've made the tearless shed tears, and the trustless gain trust. You've softened the hardest of hearts, and strengthened the softest of souls. You've challenged thoughts on compassion, and suggested new goals.

You did this, Annie. You.

You've changed death for the living, and life for the dying. You've saved thousands of lives, without even trying. You've led people to death row, to rescue one more. Then you showed the dying, what life has in store.

You've started a movement, from ripple to wave. You've rescued more souls, than I ever could save. You've encouraged big dreams, and then big dreams came true. Annie, all of this happened... because of you.

You, Annie. Yes... you.  

Annie, when you lived, you changed my life. You saved me. But after you died, you changed the world. You saved all of us. That's nothing short of incredible, just like you. 

You matter, Annie. You always have, and now, you always will... 
Sleep well, Annie-girl, knowing that the world is a better place because you existed. Have fun in Heaven. I'll be there before you know it.

Love,
Mom

CLICK HERE to read "Before You Go to Heaven" 

Click here to read PART 1 of this post: One Year Since Heaven

*Many of you first came to my blog back in March... because of Annie's story. 
From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for loving my baby. 

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