9.15.2011

After You Went to Heaven...

A letter to my Annie

Dear Annie,

Wow. I can't believe it's already been a year. How can that be possible? It seems like just yesterday that you were here with me... laughing, playing, and snuggling. But according to the calendar, you've been gone for one full year now.

So much has happened in the last year, Annie... I have so many things to tell you. I'm not sure if you realize this, but things are much better here now. Those things are better... because of you. 

In life, you had one wish: to matter to someone --just one someone-- and finally... you did. That someone was me. You mattered to me, Annie. More than you'll ever know.

But in death, there's been much more, sweet girl. More than you ever dreamed possible. Because your life didn't end when you died, Annie... your story has kept you alive. You probably won't believe this... because I honestly still can't, but either way, I think you deserve to know...

Annie, this is what happened... after you went to Heaven...

The day you died, my heart was broken, and my world changed forever. I missed your smile, and I missed your kisses. I missed your cuddles, and I missed your smell. I missed you, and I missed us. I missed everything.

I buried you next to Rudy, and a piece of my heart went with you. The remaining bits of my heart... laid in the ground with him. As I stared down at my children, in your graves there side-by-side, I wanted to crawl in with you, because I didn't feel alive.

Before you, I was broken. With you, I was whole. Because of you, I was saved. But without you... I was empty.  

I won't lie to you, Annie, it wasn't an easy time for me. But I held out hope, and I kept on going. And over time, I started to heal. The pain got better, and the days got easier. I saved more lives in your memory, and I pushed forward in your honor. 

Then, one day, I started writing again, something I'd given up for a while. And in March, for the first time, I decided to write your story. 

I sat down, and I thought back. I remembered, and I wrote. I smiled, and I cried. I laughed, and I sobbed. I felt hope; I felt anguish. I felt pride; I felt sorrow.

I wrote your story, "Before You Go to Heaven," from my heart, then I shared what I had written.

And ever since that day, nothing's been the same...

One person read your story, and then another few. Others started to read... and they all shared it, too. Then, thousands more joined in, who shared with thousands more...

And suddenly... everywhere I turned... you were alive again.

As your story wrapped around the world, things began to change. These were the very changes, I'd always hoped to see. I was honestly dumbfounded, and I still can't quite believe it. But I know one thing for sure... it was all because of you.

And Annie, in short, this is what you've done... since you went to Heaven...

You've inspired change, and you've changed views. You've opened minds, and you've presented truth. You've incited drive, and you've driven action. You've awakened spirits, and evoked reactions.

You've sparked discussions, and ignited flames. You've challenged convictions, and suggested change. You've recruited the willing, and rallied the able. You've empowered the weak, and strengthened the capable. 

You, Annie. Yes... you.

You've been idolized, and you've been recognized. You've been promoted, and you've been publicized. You've been in magazines, and you've been on websites. You've been tweeted by day, and you've been shared by night. 

You've reached across the nation, and been around the world. There are so many places you've inspired, little girl. You've been to California, and to Australia. You've visited Michigan, and then South Africa. You've reached Indiana, and parts of Asia. Then you touched New York, and the Himalayas.

You, sweet girl. You.  

You've made impossible wishes possible, and fantasies attainable. You've made the undesired desirable, and the unadmired admirable. You've made certain truths uncertain, and certain falsehoods true. You've made anything seem possible, for all the dogs like you. 

You've given hope to the hopeless, and love to the unloved. You've made the tearless shed tears, and the trustless gain trust. You've softened the hardest of hearts, and strengthened the softest of souls. You've challenged thoughts on compassion, and suggested new goals.

You did this, Annie. You.

You've changed death for the living, and life for the dying. You've saved thousands of lives, without even trying. You've led people to death row, to rescue one more. Then you showed the dying, what life has in store.

You've started a movement, from ripple to wave. You've rescued more souls, than I ever could save. You've encouraged big dreams, and then big dreams came true. Annie, all of this happened... because of you.

You, Annie. Yes... you.  

Annie, when you lived, you changed my life. You saved me. But after you died, you changed the world. You saved all of us. That's nothing short of incredible, just like you. 

You matter, Annie. You always have, and now, you always will... 
Sleep well, Annie-girl, knowing that the world is a better place because you existed. Have fun in Heaven. I'll be there before you know it.

Love,
Mom
Click here to read PART 1 of this post: One Year Since Heaven

*Many of you first came to my blog back in March... because of Annie's story. 
From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for loving my baby. 

CLICK TO DONATE TO LUCKY DOG RESCUE!

56 comments:

  1. a very sweet tribute

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  2. Lovely story. Didn't make it through without tears flowing. I've lost many 4 legged family members over the years. I can relate to you and Annie. Keep up the good work.

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  3. Ashley, Your first story about Annie was the first time I read your blog. I cried so hard because it was such a wonderful and sad story. I thought you were the most amazing peson for what you did for her. I did exactly what you said in this story, I shared it with friends. Your strength is incredible. If there were more people like you we could save the world one dog at a time. Thank you for what you do!

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  4. That is one of the sweetest things I've heard lately. You said it all and spoke the truth. Keep the strength....you have done what some of us could only hope. Thank you!

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story. I am happy for you and Annie, Wish there were more loving people in this world that could love like you... Sending healing hugs and prayers for you and Annie xx

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  6. THIS IS THE SWEETS STORY I HAVE EVER READ.AND ANNIE I HONOR YOU AND IDOLIZ YOU.IN MY EYES YOUR A HERO.

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  7. Amazing ...you tell a story like no one else ...I have read all of them and keep telling myself I will not cry ...never works .
    Keep up the good work by helping these poor unfortunate animals , you are amazing .

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  8. ashley, annie's story was also the first blog i read by you and i dont believe i have missed one since!!! i have also fostered 4 dogs from kill shelters since then and my fifth foster is on his way to maine from a high kill shelter in S.C. this weekend...these 5 dogs have been given a chance to live partially because of you and annie's inspiration, thank you annie you have al so changed some lives in maine <3

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  9. i can never stop crying when i read your stories! you have the most amazing stores and your words are so powerful!! it also makes me think of my pets and when that day comes for mine to go to heaven, i will be broken as well! you are an amazing person for doing what you do and it makes me inspired and start helping animals in my community!

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  10. You, Ashley, Yes You! In all of your outpouring love for these babies, YOU have inspired so many people. YOUR story has made us cry with every story of rescue or sadness. I love U Ashley. :) Annie

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  11. Oh my God, so beautiful. can't stop crying.

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  12. My sweet girl is Rocko....17 years young! May I ask you Ashley if I can share your words, exact words with the world when Rocko crosses the Rainbow Bridge? Her days in Life are numbered, but she will live forever in many hearts! I know Annie, Rudy and Rocko will lead the way thru Heaven's Gate! Thank you Ashley <3 <3 <3

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  13. Ashley, don't shortchange yourself here...you deserve credit too. YOU were the vehicle that delivered Annie's story and her message to the world. Without you, Annie's death would have been in vain.
    Through you, thousands of people have come to love Annie as you did. I hope that sweet girl can feel all the love in Heaven.

    You have truly inspired me to be a better person, and I believe that your words can change the world one person at a time.

    RIP Sweet Annie. You did good, baby.

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  14. How truly incredibly beautiful. Just as Annie has inspired so many people so have you Ashley. You gave and give her and MANY others that true unconditional honest love and make their lives as complete as I know they make yours. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you do and what I dream to do eventually. RIP Annie, you live on in all of our hearts <3

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  15. This world would be a wonderful place if we had more people like you around. THANK YOU for being an inspiration and for showing all of us animal lovers that we are not alone in this fight! Your story is beautiful! God bless you and Annie :)

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  16. Thank you for ruining my makeup! Such powerful words, you are a gift :) Bless you.

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  17. Tears in my eyes again... I think of my seven little ones who will be waiting on the other side.

    Bless you for what you do and may you be safe, healthy and strong. From an animal lover in Brooklyn.

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  18. I didnt make it thru the first few lines without crying. God Bless You Ashley, for what you do, what you have started and you're making a difference in the world, with the help now of others that care about rescuing these sweet animals that have no voice but loving, caring eyes and souls. I lost my two dogs, Mr. Bo and Ginger, 8 days apart. Oct 8th, and Oct 16th, 1993. I was devastated. It took me years to even watch dog food commercials without crying. I rescued my Sammie in Nov 2004, from a terrible situation, from "family dog breeders", it was just atricous conditions. Sammie was 2yrs old, and we are her 4 or 5th owner. I dont know what i'd do without her. I can no longer work, so she keeps me company, fills my day with such happiness, laughter, her 10 minute run and fun time, then falls down exhausted next to me on the sofa. Thank you Ashley for all you do and sharing your loving, touching story of Annie. You're an Angel on Earth. Sincerely, Kimberly W., Sherburn, MN

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  19. Much love to you and so much love and admiration to annie. Every dog should be so lucky to be remembered like this.

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  20. For many years it was said - ONE MAN can make a difference. Then it was decided we should have said - ONE PERSON can make a difference. With Annie, we now realize that ONE BEING can make a difference!

    Ritz

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  21. I HAVE NO WORDS TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW. SUCH POWERFUL WORDS SPOKEN IN TRIBUTE TO ONE WHO HAS GONE AHEAD. SOME DAY YOU WILL MEET ANNIE AGAIN AND CROSS THE RAINBOW BRIDGE TOGETHER. UNTIL THEN, CONTINUE WITH THE FANTASTIC WORK YOU ARE DOING IN THE RESCUE WORLD AND SWEET ANNIE, YOU ARE IN GODS HANDS NOW AND HE WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU UNTIL ASHLEY MEETS UP WITH YOU. FLY HIGH WITH THE ANGELS SWEET GIRL. YOU DESERVE IT.

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  22. Truly brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing. I miss my dogs, Laddie and Lassie, but know that now they're in a better place and can't wait to see them again.

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  23. I love you ashely...... ur freakin awsume!

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  24. Beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul ! You will see Annie again :-) Keep up the awesome work for our four legged friends Ashley.

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  25. Thank you for sharing what must be painful, but hopeful memory and tribute. As tears come to my eyes, I understand you pain and your loss, as we all do who have loved and lost our fur babies and pieces of our hearts.

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  26. Oh my, as I read this blog, tears came down my face uncontrollably. It made me think of one of my dogs I have who is 11 and my rock...my constant, and like Annie did for you, my Emme Woo brought sunshine and so much more to my life. I dread the day I will have to say goodbye, but until then I love her with all my heart and constantly remind her how much I appreciate her and how lucky I am to have her in my life. Your writing was beautiful. Obviously Annie was a huge part of your happiness and, from your words, she still is. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.

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  27. Amazing! Your writing is wonderful,reading this is so emotional. I cried. I remembered my first friend, Nancy, she was 13 when I found out dogs don't live as long as we do. I was devestated. I have another rat terrior and Gracie is 12. She has had seisures and I will be devestated again. My Gracie has never betrayed me, never told a secret. She is totally loyal and trusting. We could not ask for anything more.

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  28. I lost my little girl, Cookie, a yr ago this mnth. She was my world. It's just really different now that she's gone. I miss her everyday. I had her 11 yrs.

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  29. I could never put into words what your support, encouragement, and love mean to me... and of course, to Annie.

    If only she could realize just how much she's done for this world... through all of you. Now, you are each making a difference for the Annies of the world. That's just unreal. It's more than Annie or I ever dreamed possible.

    From the bottom of my heart... thank you.
    Ashley

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  30. Beautiful and Thank you! The animal kingdom is blessed to have you on our planet. Bless you!

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  31. Ashley, I can relate as I've lost many of my 4 footed babies over time. I thank you for your "pet pardons" site. All of those babies deserve to know love as you loved Rudy and Annie. I'd adopt them all if I could. The best I can do is advocate for them. God bless you Ashley. Your words truly touch people. You are wonderful!

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  32. I really need to stop reading your posts at work. ;) I especially loved this one, and having recently lost the furry love of my life, it brought so many emotions back to the surface. Annie is smiling down from above for sure. xxxooo sweet, sweet girl!!
    Lisa

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  33. Ashley, I read that first blog and have read everyone since. I have passed many of them on because they were so beautifully written and can be applied to so many situations. Thank you so much for making my days so much brighter...

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  34. Ashley through you and your stories Annie has made this life better for many!!! I thank God that you are in this world everyday. We need more Ashley's!!!! Her before and after stories made me cry like a baby but also opened my heart. God Bless

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  35. Annie's story has me in tears, and floods me with memories of Aubrey who saved me when my beloved Scamper passed away shortly after fostering Aubrey. How Scamper was my baby, and helped heal the hurt when Katy died at age 18....Animals do so much good.......

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  36. All the things I say to myself about my Murphy Dog, Milo and my Bandit, RIP. This was a beautiful Tribute to Annie.

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  37. You are such a beautiful person, Ashley, inside and out. I am so glad that Annie was able to spend the best week of her life with someone like you. RIP baby Annie and baby Rudy. I am sure they are having so much fun together.

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  38. Wow! Soo beautiful!! God Bless you!!

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  39. Absolutely beautiful! God bless you and Annie -always<3

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  40. Annie was loved! And is still loved today, your words tell that over and over again! How very lucky for you and Annie to have found each other.

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  41. It takes a very special person to do what you did Ashley, to take this sweet baby girl home and give her the love she so richly deserved if only for a week; knowing full well that she would only be with you for a short time; to make her last days the BEST days of her life, you know she loved you for that alone!! NEVER STOP---NEVER EVER STOP---no matter how much we hurt and miss them---the joy will always outweigh the sorrow. Thank YOU!!

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  42. Ashley,as usual you've touched my heart so deeply. I feel as if I know Annie and Rudy. I can feel your pain and your love. Your writings continue to inspire me to help make a difference. never stop, We all need you. Thanks
    Patricia

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  43. Annie, I did not know you in life. I wish I had baby girl. I'm so sorry for the life you had before you came to Ashley but so happy for the time you had with her.RIP baby girl and know that you are loved by thousands of people...including me!!!

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  44. Beautifully written... Beautiful words about a beautiful dog and a beautiful relationship that inspired a revolution... Thanks for sharing...

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  45. I can't read Annie's story without crying hysterically, so I'm glad my husband isn't in here to watch me bawl like a baby. Annie and you have made such a difference....thank you!

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  46. Annie's story is what brought me here and Annie's story was the first thing of yours that I shared. Annie's story and your idea that if you couldn't save her life, at least you could let her live what she had left inspires me more than you can know. Annie is special because *you* are special, Ashley.

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  47. Ashley, This is the most heart warming story that I have read. It makes me think about my lab husky Carmel who died of grand mall seizures two years ago and makes me miss her terribly and also of my dog Angel who died of a severe case of hook worm that was so bad she had to be put to sleep but I also know that I will see them one day in Heaven and even though I miss them terribly I try to keep their memories alive a much as possible.

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  48. You are definitely a writer Ashley, a most passionate and committed one. Don`t stop, use your talent to help those who can not read, those who have no voice, to all the Annie and Andy`s of this harsh world.
    I run a small dog rescue in Ontario Canada. My beautiful sister Pat ran it with me and we drove over 27 hours round trip to grab dogs off the gassing trucks in Ohio, Tennessee, Kentucky, Quebec. We loved them all and found them kind deserving homes. We cared. Then Pat died a year ago, I found her, the diabetes since she was 6 years old wore her out. I will never be the same, I am empty and broken.
    All that keeps me on earth are the Ànnies and the Andy`s. Bless You and Annie. XXXXX

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  49. Annie, yes you girl... Please play with my Boston Terrier, Wrangler, on her birthday this year! The date is December 9th. Let her know how special she is and how much I still love and miss her! Mention "Green, Green, Green" and she'll know who sent you! ;) Thanks Annie!
    And thank you for this beautiful tribute to Annie!

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  50. Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

    Author unknown...

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  51. What a beautiful story, I thank God for people like you and a dog like Annie is priceless. I know the love of and for a dog or cat can only be a gift from God and with people like you, the word will spread and the abuse and death will come to an end.

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  52. Blessings galore! I can't wait to see Annie in heaven too! ♥

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  53. Ashley- just read your story and letters to Annie- so powerful- What you did for Annie is what love is all about! I want to thank you for forever convicting my heart to make a difference, one soul at a time!!
    Hugs!

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  54. You are a wonderful person. I never saw this before today, and I was crying while I was reading it. Thank you for giving this girl and wonderful week of life. You are amazing.

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  55. I'm reading this on the year anniversary that I lost my cat, Kriket. I can't imagine the pain you went through to give Annie that wonderful week. You are a living angel to these dogs. God bless you!

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