7.21.2011

Save the Beers

Funny....
I should be "funny" today.
Yep

I'm sure everyone can use a laugh... so let's make that happen at my expense, okay? 

PS- For anyone who is "lacking" in the sense of humor department, it's probably best to leave now... before your unnecessary judgment begins to eat away at your soul.
(I mean that in a loving way. Really.)

Sooo, I won't lie... I'm feeling a little rough today. I'm not technically "sick." At least, not in the general sense of the word. Yet, I'm slightly functional... and hey... that's something.

But regardless of how I feel today, the laughs I had last night were totally worth the semi-permanent reduction in physical strength and mental capacity. Totally.

Most of you have no idea what I'm talking about right now. Yeah, me neither. But I know this much for sure: sometimes, you have to take a step back from all of the serious junk in the world... and just allow yourself to have some fun. I'm talking ridiculously stupid, completely nonsensical, seemingly-immature-but-well-worth-the-effort fun.

I try to have fun every day, but let's be honest... some days, it just ain't gonna happen. Certain days may start off on a decent foot, but it doesn't take long for the asshats to show-up, the bills to arrive, and the world to say, "Oh really?! You thought today was going to be 'fun?!' That's hilarious! Good luck, stupid!"

Other days, you never had a shot at fun. You wake up late, and the first words out of your mouth are, "Son-of-a-piece-of-a-mother-jank-face!" And from there... it's game over. On days like that, your only hope for sanity (or maybe the opposite?) is that end-of-day beer drinking.

Welcome to yesterday for me.

Reba McEntire, circa 1995
Last night, I altered my mission just a smidge: Save the beers. That's right. I said it. Judge me if you like, but those beers were cold and suffering... they needed me. And guess what? I was there for them. I certainly was.

After a trip to the shelter (beer store), several other facebook friends joined me... and within just a few short hours, we were able to create a nationwide network of beer rescuers.

Wait, crap... I forgot about all of the help we had in Canada, too. Why do I always seem to forget about Canada?? Oh, that's right... it's because most Mississippians are totally unaware that Canada is an actual country. I've had many arguments about this topic... and even though I'm unmistakably correct when I say, "It IS a country," I somehow always lose that battle 'round these parts. Oh well... small price to pay...

Okay, back to the pointless blog post that will inevitably ruin my reputation...

Sooo, last night's beer rescue league managed to produce one of the funniest nights ever recorded on facebook... with more than 268 hilarious comments on a photo of me drinking a beer-- Bud Light to be exact (I'm hoping for some kind of sponsorship).

Honestly, there's nothing better than a ridiculously long thread filled with inappropriate comments, political incorrectness, and borderline illegality. Well... depends on your definition of "borderline." I haven't heard from a few of you today... so... if you're looking to make bail, call someone else. I'm waaay low on cash, and my 2011 New Year's Resolution was to stay FAR AWAY from prison... at all costs. Sorry.

So, the first unnecessary thread led to a dare from Jodi Chick (proud Canadian) to upload a photo of myself posing as Reba McEntire, circa 1995 (don't ask). Since the word "dare" means "you have to," I made it happen. (And I scored a 5 spot. Ja-ja-ja- jackpot!)

$5 richer
That photo led to another ridiculous thread, and another photo request/dare from another random person. The stakes were high... he offered to be my friend in return for a photo with a special pose just for him. And so, once again, I was able to save yet another beer, and make another 5 bucks. If I'm being honest, I was damn proud of me.

Soooo, $10 and an unspecified number of beers later, I had accomplished my mission. That's right: I saved the beers last night, ladies and gentlemen. But really--as with all rescues--they saved me.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that a few dedicated beer drinkers changed the world last night. We made a difference by opening our hearts and veins to those in need. Thank you... to each and every one of you... for being selfless and giving enough to save sooo many sad, very cold beers from suffering. I believe a few Doritos found homes as well, and that's huge.

Thanks y'all, really. Because of you, I feel like pure ass today. It means so much.

52 comments:

  1. I work as a substance abuse counselor, so no one at my job ever laughs when it comes to beer. However, I understand completely! Sometimes you just gotta rescue a few to rescue yourself. There's nothing wrong with having some ridiculous fun once in awhile.

    Love that you posted about this on a site about dogs. ;]

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  2. Well, rescue peeps tend to need laughs and beers more than the average human. I needed to post something funny and ridiculous to balance the more serious posts as of late ;)

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  3. A tip for you my :) funny friend: One of the benefits of alcohol is that it encourages the production of alpha waves. You should consider investing in an alphastim (alpha wave stimulator, basically). Can be purchased through a psychologist. Anyways, you might not be lacking that brainwave much, but just letting you know anyway. : )
    PS: I just learned recently that alcoholics tend to have a large production of low amplitude (the height of the graphed brainwave) high frequency (fast) Beta brainwaves. Pretty sure that is what I read...

    I hope I made sense, I wanted to share this information with you for your benefit. : )

    - JenniferCecelia

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  4. Finally a post that didn't leave me crying! :-) Glad you were able to rescue those poor, freezing beers last night!

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  5. This was meant to be funny. No problems with alcoholism here, but thanks for the concern :)

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  6. PS: By the way, I am a follower on your fb. My name is Jennifer Cecelia Stanley (it was easier for me to just post as anon, I tried connecting but it rarely works for me lol).

    Forgot this:
    [Something I was looking at for myself recently)
    http://4mind4life.com/blog/2008/01/18/boost-your-alpha-brainwaves/



    We all deserve a break. Thank you for all that you do for those dogs and animals you ever come across! : )

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  7. You make me laugh! Thanks!

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  8. My new favorite word is "asshats". Thanks!

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  9. Come visit your gay BFF in Canada! NOW!!!!!!!!

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  10. My personal side hobby is rescuing fermented grapes, so cheers to you!

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  11. I love that so many of you could appreciate this! I guarantee you that about 50 people are un-liking my Lucky Dog fb page right now... But it's a small price to pay to help a few deserving people laugh today :)

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  12. Doritos?? I missed that. I thought it was Bugles. hehe

    Dana

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  13. Cheers to you!!! Tonight, I am going to rescue a few glasses of wine! See, you do inspire people!

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  14. Wonderful sense of humor-cheers to all of you, beer and animal savers! I love to read everything you post, Ashley, good or bad, hoping the bad lessens in time...fan for life!

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  15. See, you are a true "hero"!! You saved the beers! I did my part as well, saving a couple of shots of Crown Royal!!! I'm glad you had a chance to laugh and be happy. I know your head must be spinning most days with all you see and know. As usual, loved this blog and my advice would be, "hair of the dog" (HA! no pun intended!) I doubt ANYONE is unliking you today. Kathy Burnett (still haven't figured out how to post not as anonymous)

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  16. Let others judge all they want! They are doing the same thing they just aren't brave enough to admit it!! You definitely deserve a chance at sanity and by golly a Bud Light (or 2, or 3, or whatever!) is certainly one way to get there! Cheers!!!

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  17. The best part is the picture with the "$5 richer" caption.

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  18. Haha, goodness, that was a night I'll definitely remember that night for the rest of my life! Thanks for offering a helping hand to rescue the beers... and encouraging me to save six more last night. ;-)

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  19. Im shocked! I thought you rescued the ones no one wanted...what about the hot dented cans of natural light, the nasty flavors of mad dog 20/20, the torn labels of boonesfarm??? no one wants these, yet you chose the main stream of bud light? how can this be? I'm so deeply saddened!

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  20. Trust me, I've had my fair share of hot dented cans of Natty Light, as well as the others you mentioned. For now, I'm thinking it's best if we just let those breeds die off. It's just reality... they suck ;) haha

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  21. Asshat is one of my fav words!! You of all people need to take a night to rescue the beers. Next time choose a better beer to rescue. (Said shamelessly by a Budweiser distribution family)!

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  22. This is absolutely hysterical and I love it! Everyone could use a night like this every once in a while. Heck, my friends and I have "game night" and have a night like this every Thursday. Cheers to you, you definitely deserve the fun! Especially with all the hard and dedicated work you do.

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  23. Good for you Ashley. You deserve it. And, thanks for the laugh. most of the times I am crying on here...God bless you.

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  24. Ashley all that matters is that you had fun last night,if people is going to unlike your page because of that , oh well that's to bad (for them of course),You do so so so much for those Dogs & you can also have some fun too, there's nothing wrong with having a couple cold rescued Beers :D I wish I could of joined you in your journey lol,I'm sure I will be rescuing some this weekend! TY for sharing this, You're awesome & You can rescue whatever you want :)

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  25. I agree :) Totally worth the unlikes and criticism ;)

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  26. Did you get the title of this blog from me? I posted earlier on your FB page that I was sad I missed out on the saving of the beers event. Well if you did that is awesome, and even if you didn't its still awesome. Ha! Btw I too love the word asshat.

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  27. Haha I actually got the title from one of my comments last night that I was saving the beers :) But I can give you partial credit :) haha

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  28. This post = Pure Awesome. Further proof that you are totally making a difference in the world. And can I state how freaking jealous I am that you look so cute ALL THE TIME?! Even drunk. It's not fair.

    Petty jealousy aside, I'm thrilled you cut loose and had some fun. Life is hard enough, and yours is much more demanding than most! You deserve to celebrate, laugh, goof off, and have 268 hilarious and inappropriate comments on a picture every once in a while.

    You are so much like me, in that you have taken on a LOT while still young. It's important for us to remember that we are allowed to enjoy being crazy every once in a while, even with our responsibilities. Glad to hear you had such a fun night. Way to show your crappy day who's boss!

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  30. Ha ha ha ha ha, Canada Represent! A few things:

    A: I love that the first comment is from a Substance Abuse Counselor. Where the h-e-double-hockey-stick were you last night?

    B: This morning, my boss took one look at me and without missing a beat said "Rough Night?". He had no idea why all I could do was giggle.

    C: That's $5 *Canadian* that's gotta be at least $5.25, $5.30 US at today's exchange rate ;)

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  31. How you take this blog is determined by who you are

    Woman: Everyone needs to wear an asshat once in awhile. Have fun, let your hair down, dance on the bar. Someone will do worse tomorrow.

    Men: Four words. Hot. Drunk. Blonde. Girl.

    Gay Men: That bow with that top, I don't think so sister.

    Lesbians: Drink a real bee

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  32. I'm glad you can have fun once in a while, life is to serious all the time. Go ahead take a break, you deserve it. Deb in Tampa FL

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  33. Ashley, you are even more of a hero now! Saving dogs, saving beer, can't wait to see what you will be rescuing next! You don't have to worry about me deleting your page... I love how honest you are about yourself! Keep up the good work with ALL of your rescues and remember that we love you, girl!

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  34. With all the shit you've been thru..especially this month...I think you are way overdue on deserving a FEW. LOL

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  35. Everyone needs a break from all this crap, "Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person" I like your blog :) I saved a few tonight myself, Happy 23rd Birthday to me :)

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  36. As always Ashley, you made me smile...and laugh my ass off!! Hope that next time I am around for the fun!! :)

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  37. I had no idea so much fun was happening on the FB page, I'm going to head over to it right now. Your selflessness in saving the beers of the world has inspired me to like the FB page :)

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  38. Ashley, you are my inspiration, I will now be rescuing some cold beers tonight myself!! ;)

    Thank you for a post that made me smile and giggle :)

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  39. I've found that in the dog rescue world, emotions tend to run at a higher level and dog rescuers need to let loose once in a while! I am a volunteer for dogs deserve better in Oregon and I understand the pain and heartache that comes along with rescuing dogs, in addition to the extreme happiness when you can find that dog its forever home. Cheers and more beers to you!

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  40. LMAO I soooooooooooo needed this I just watched a vid of some idiots that set a dog on fire :( it was very shocking and I was a mess thank you for lightening my spirit :) and I rescue Vodka occasionally and instead of posting for rescues i text them LOL, hang in there girly

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  41. I personally prefer the Mich Ultra breed - but they have no trouble finding good homes so I usually find myself "fostering" the sad and lowly Busch Beers ... Why is it the more I drink, the more my dogs want to lick me?

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  42. I absolutely and positively adore every extraordinary trait and sassy peccadillo about you! Never change!

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  43. If you google "Reba McEntire 1995" and look at the images, you guessed it! There you are :) Around page 7...

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  44. Amusing and light-hearted. Keep up the good work Ash, you deserve a break (in fact, you could probably use some more R&R LOL). It's rough in Mississippi. The more we hope and try to show people how up-to-date and modern we are, the more the ignorant ones undermine the efforts. O well, can only make the best of what it is. :P

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  45. Love it,sorry I missed all the fun LMAO. I just wanna say good for you hun. With all you endure everyday saving those babies you need to cut loose and let your hair down. There is nothing wrong with slamming a few once in awhile and it's abvious you are in control or you wouldn't have the energy to do all you do every day! Keep going and know that we all appreciate all you do!!!

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  46. hahaha!! Oh you are so cute!! I love you even more now!!

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  47. I just discovered you and I am over the moon! And I happen to LOVE Meridian, MS! :)

    This is awesome. Heck, perhaps you could turn it into a periodic "fund raiser"!!!

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