Patrick Star

Last Sunday, a weak, very sick, little Pit Bull mix was dumped outside of a woman's home in Vossburg, Mississippi.

Due to the location of her home... which is right off the interstate... her property has become a virtual dumping ground for unwanted dogs. She's constantly struggling to deal with the numbers of dogs thrown out at her house. However, the condition of this particular dog was much worse than the others she usually finds when she walks outside.

The woman named the dog Patrick. Then, she frantically started posting the dog on facebook, desperately searching for help for this poor boy.  

I was busy at work that morning, so I hadn't yet seen any of those urgent posts about this dog. But it didn't take long for the calls, texts, and messages to start pouring in...

First, I talked to my friend, Cathy, who asked me to check the photo she'd posted on my wall and call her back. Hearing the concern in her voice, I knew it was bad...

When I saw the picture, instantly, my heart was broken. No matter how many times I view a photo like that... it never gets any easier. And no matter how much cruelty I witness... I'll never understand how people can be so damn hateful... how any person could force a dog to suffer in this way... and then dump him on the side of the road like trash.

When I talked to Cathy again, I told her I'd try to figure something out, and I'd need to talk to the woman as well. But before I even had time to think, there were more texts and calls coming in, begging me to take this dog.

So, later that day, I asked my friend Dana to comment on Patrick's facebook post for me, and simply say: "Ashley Owen Hill has committed to take this dog." Then, I talked to the woman who had him, and we worked out the details.



Me, Patrick, & the woman who found him

On Monday, the woman took Patrick to the vet. During his evaluation, he was diagnosed with sarcoptic mange, ear mites, internal parasite infestation, high fever, and anemia, in addition to severe emaciation and malnourishment. In fact, this boy was so weak, he was unable to walk... weighing only 26 pounds... when he should weigh at least twice that.  

On Tuesday, Caycee and I drove to meet the woman at her vet in Quitman, MS, so I could take Patrick home. Based on the photos of him, I thought I was prepared for what I'd see that day.

I was wrong...

I can't even explain in words just how underweight this dog truly is. The pictures don't do him justice. I can't even tell you just how sick he truly is. I can't even describe just how weak he truly is, as his little body fights to survive.

Further, in addition to everything else, at some point, his former "owners" made the cruel decision to perform a painful, homemade ear crop job on Patrick. As I try to imagine the cruelty he's known, all of his life... it's almost too much to bear.

When I first laid eyes on him, I was shocked. The only words I could muster were: "Oh dear God..." Then, I bent down, rubbed his head, and asked: "Who did this to you, buddy??"

And then... he looked up and gave me the sweetest little kiss, right on my chin. I looked over at Caycee, and simply said: "I'm in love!!!"

Just like that... I fell in love with a boy named Patrick. Or as I like to call him... "Patrick Star."

And in turn, my little Patrick Star... became a Lucky Dog... for the very first time in his life.


*Patrick has a long road of recovery ahead. He hasn't yet been tested for heartworms or neutered. For now, I'll be focused on weight gain, mange treatment, and getting his little body healthy again. If you'd like to donate to his care, please click below.  

CLICK TO DONATE TO PATRICK!

You're You

Cleaning kennels

Before you judge me...
Or anyone like me...
Please... live at least one day in my shoes.

Please...

Clean the number of kennels I've got.
Care for the number of dogs that I've saved.
Apologize to those broken-hearted dogs in your care... for things you didn't do...

Answer one of the calls that I get.
Check one of my emails.
Read the hateful comments I see... about me... from the ignorant people... who have never been "me" ... but assume they know more about "being me" ... than I do.

Feel the despair I feel... when I'm forced to say "No."
Feel the anxiety I feel... when I'm forced to say "Yes."
Feel the hopelessness I feel... when I'm forced to say: "I have nothing left to give."

And then... if you're me...
When you have nothing left to give...
Give more.

Give up yourself.
Give up your life.
Give up everything in your world... for others.

And when you struggle... beg for the help you need.
Hope that it will arrive...
Know... that it probably won't...

Hope that you're wrong.
Pray that you're wrong.
Know... that you're probably right.

Because...in truth... you're all you've got.
You're all they've got.
No one else... signed up to be you.

Only you did.
You're you.
Be proud... of you.

If someone hates you...
For being you...
So what???

The haters...
Are hateful.
They have nothing better to do.

Because they aren't you.

Dear Haters...
Get. A. Life.

No matter what you do... others will judge you.
Others will criticize you.
Others will hate you.



Walking the Lucky Dogs

Simply because... you're good at being you.


In their attempts to find your faults... they simply highlight their own.
They only wish they could do... what you do.
And yet... they'll never be you.

Only you can do that.
YOU manage to change the world... every single day.
And it kills them.

Because...
You're...
You...

While they suck at being them...
Do. What. You. Do.
Be. You.

That's all you gotta do.

CLICK TO DONATE TO LUCKY DOG RESCUE!

Picking Up Reece's Pieces

On Wednesday, I received a desperate answering machine message from a woman named Pat in Gulfport, Mississippi.

The neighbor's Pit Bull mix had finally broken loose from the rope used to tie her to a tree, and the dog immediately fled to Pat's home... and stayed there... seeking refuge. When Pat walked outside that morning, the dog was sleeping on her porch, right next to her cat.

Reece's neck

That's when Pat saw the dog's painful, horrific injuries.
The dog's tie-out rope had clearly been embedded in her neck for quite some time, and the wound was at least 2 inches deep. She also had other scars covering her body.

Seeing the dog's condition, Pat refused to risk the chance that the dog may be returned to the owner, but she also couldn't stand the thought of the dog facing euthanasia.

So, Pat started calling animal shelters and rescues, in search of immediate, legitimate help for this dog.

Of course, due to the "Pit Bull mix" label --coupled with the dog's severe injuries-- Animal Control informed Pat that euthanasia would be their only option for this pup. Therefore, she attempted to contact any animal rescue group she could find.

She left tons of messages, but since rescues are always full and/or overloaded, most of them never called her back. Every other rescue told her, "We don't take Pit Bulls. Try Lucky Dog Rescue."

Again... as I've said many times, Lucky Dog Rescue is NOT a "Pit Bull rescue."
While most of my rescue dogs are, in fact, Pit Bulls, I also rescue many other breeds, and mixes of those breeds. However, since I focus on the worst-cases... and the least adoptable dogs (due to societal bias), then, yes... most of my rescue pups are Pit Bulls. (Plus, I just-so-happen to freaking LOVE Pit Bulls!)

Further, because many animal rescue groups in Mississippi are unable to take Pit Bulls due to Breed Specific Legislation (BSL), and most of the other Mississippi rescues will not take them (for one reason or another), I tend to be the "fall-back."

"If the dog is a Pit Bull, call Lucky Dog Rescue."

So, after Pat exhausted her search for a rescue located somewhere closer to her area than mine, she contacted me.

I was walking a dog when she called, so she left a message. When I got back, I checked the answering machine... and heard the desperation in Pat's voice, as she said: "Please, please, PLEASE call me! I'm so desperate to save this dog! She needs help right away, and I've been told you're the only person who will help me! Please!!!"

So, I took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and returned her call.

When she answered, I said: "Hey, Ms. Pat. It's Ashley with Lucky Dog Rescue, returning your call."

Reece, when she arrived at Lucky Dog Rescue

Through obvious tears, she responded: "Oh, Ashley!!! Thank you for calling me back, honey! I've left messages with rescues all over the state this morning... begging people to call me back. You're the only one who did."

I said: "Ms. Pat, I have to be honest with you. As much as I want to help this poor dog, I'm beyond over-loaded with rescue dogs right now, so I'm not really sure that I can help. But I promise I'm willing to do everything I can to try and find someone else who can."

Then... I heard sobbing on the other end of the line.

She cried: "Ashley, please! I am begging you! I've already tried everyone else. Anyone who was willing to talk to me... was only willing to help... by giving me your number. If you can't help this dog... you and I both know... no one will... and she will die!"

I knew she was right, but I just needed a minute to think. So, I promised to call her back, and then, I hung up.

Shortly thereafter, with no plan in mind... I picked up the phone and called Pat again. Honestly, at that moment, I had no idea what I was even going to say to her... but I knew she was desperate for help, so I didn't want to make her wait any longer.

Well, before I could even give her an answer about whether or not I was able to help, Pat said: "Ashley, I want you to know... if you're willing to help this baby, then I'm willing to make the 3 hour trip from here to Meridian to bring this dog to you."

Suddenly, without another thought, I simply said: "When can you be here?"



Reece, on our way to the vet

The next morning, Pat and her husband drove more than 3 hours to deliver my new baby to Lucky Dog Rescue.

When they arrived, it was love at first sight.
I named her Reece.

That day, I began the process of picking-up the pieces of Reece's broken heart... and putting her back together again...

And in return, Reece's smile reminded me... of what I do... and why I do it. It's never about me. It's always about them. And when they really need you... you always find a way...

*Reece has a long road of recovery ahead of her. In addition to her severe injuries & massive level of infection, she is also heartworm positive, which requires extensive, costly treatment. If you'd like to contribute to Reece's care and her future, please click the link below to donate:

CLICK TO DONATE TO LUCKY DOG RESCUE!

Wink and Pinky

Wink & I, before his eye surgery

A couple months ago, I approved an adoption application for the Clearman family. Soon thereafter, they came to Lucky Dog Rescue to adopt their new baby.

While they'd fallen in love with the photos and stories of a couple different Lucky Dogs, they still wanted to meet all of my other babies as well, in order to find the perfect fit for their family.

Well... as it turns out... one of those "other" babies managed to steal their hearts: Wink.

Of course, I understood exactly how they felt. Wink did the same to me. In fact, Wink was my extra-special baby, and everyone around here knew it. He was basically "my dog," and honestly, I planned to adopt him as my own one day.

So, when they chose Wink, I was devastated.
Even though I had every right to say "No," I knew they were a great family and the perfect fit for him. Yet... I just couldn't imagine my life without my Winkle-Jinks. And even though I was insanely happy for him... I simply wasn't prepared to say goodbye to him, because I'd never planned to let him go.

Regardless, I decided to release my selfish desires, in order to give Wink the forever that he deserved.

Even still... after Wink left that day, I sobbed for hours. That night, I cried myself to sleep. For the next few days, I couldn't even pass by his kennel, without immense pain and tears.

Wink, with his new "brother"

But... over time, the photos of Wink with his new family began to slowly heal my heart. Seeing those pictures, I couldn't deny that I made the right decision for him, no matter how painful it was for me.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, Wink's new family was going out of town for a few days, so they brought Wink to Lucky Dog Retreat for boarding. I was so excited to see him, and the feeling was clearly mutual. Tears filled my eyes, as he jumped and squealed upon arrival, showering me with those special kisses I love so much.

That week, my baby boy was here once again, just like old times. That week, Wink slept in the bed with me. He snuggled on the couch. He ate my leftovers.

Best of all, he was able to reunite with his best friend, Pinky. They were so excited to see each other again, and my heart was so happy, as I watched them run and play in the yard.

One week later, the family came to take Wink home. Of course, Wink was so excited to see them, which truly touched my heart.

And yet... I couldn't stop crying. Even though I was so happy to send him back home, it honestly felt like I was losing him... all over again.

Through my tears, I looked at Wink's new mom, Meagan, and said: "I promise I'm so happy for him. I'm just sad for me. It's just... I miss him so much."

She gave me a big hug, saying: "I'm so sorry. I know you do. But I can't thank you enough for allowing us to make him a part of our family."

I responded: "Thank you so much for letting me keep him this week. It meant the world to me... and to his best friend, Pinky. They had the best time playing together again. I wish you could've seen them. They're so funny to watch, and they love each other so much."

She wanted to hear more about Pinky, so I told her more about Wink and Pinky's special relationship. She said: "I'll have to bring him back to visit soon, so they can play together again!"

Hearing those words, my heart was on fire. Then, they loaded Wink in the car... and drove away. Of course, I cried all over again.

But... as I sat there, sobbing in my office, I never could've imagined what would happen next...

The next day, Meagan sent me a text.
It said: "Could we foster Pinky for a couple of days?"

Reading those words, I screamed out loud: "SHUT UP!"
Then, I quickly responded: "OMG YES!!!"

Pinky & I

On July 3rd, the family came to take Pinky to her new foster home.
Before they arrived, I gave Pinky a nice, long bath... and a pep talk: "Okay, baby girl. Be good, play hard, and no matter what... steal their freaking hearts."

Well... it looks like she heard me...

Over the next few days, Meagan sent me constant texts and photos, telling me how much fun they were having together, and how much they loved Pinky. She asked if they could foster her for a little bit longer. I said: "Of course! As long as you like!"

Then, last weekend, the Clearmans were leaving town for a couple of days, so they brought Wink and Pinky here for boarding.

Wink & Pinky, 4th of July

I was so excited to keep my babies, but I was also worried for Pinky, knowing that she may feel abandoned, once again. In the past, Pinky has lived in several foster homes. Since those were temporary fosters, Pinky always stayed with them for a while, and then... she came back to me. Of course, she couldn't understand why they always brought her back.

Therefore, Pinky learned what to expect: When they leave me here, they're never coming back. At this point, even though she's insanely loving, gentle, and fun, with each and every person she meets... she's also afraid to trust... anyone other than me.

So... when the Clearmans came back... to take Wink and Pinky home, I watched for Pinky's reaction. I just couldn't wait to see her face, when she realized what was happening that day:  For the very first time in her life... a family dropped her off... and they came back for her.

It's a moment I'll never forget... as I watched her run into the arms of her family... the family she never expected to see again. In that moment, as the smile crossed her face, every bit of pain in her heart was erased.

Before they left, I loved on my 2 babies, as they showered me with goodbye kisses.

But as they headed out the door, Pinky stopped...

Then, she turned around, looked up at me, and smiled.

So, I bent down, gave her one more hug, and whispered: "Told ya they'd come back for you."

It was a life changing moment... for both of us...

Even still, as she left that day, Pinky was still a "foster dog." Yet, I held onto the undying hope that the Clearmans would decide to adopt her one day. While I rarely get my hopes up anymore...  this time, something told me it was okay.

Then, yesterday Meagan wrote a touching note on facebook about her adoption and foster experience with Wink and Pinky of Lucky Dog Rescue. Her beautiful words brought tears to my eyes.

As I was reading through the sweet comments under her note, I got to the last comment, which was written by Meagan.

Then... my heart stopped.

Pinky... finally home

Her comment said: "I haven't told Ashley yet, but Pinky is a keeper :)"

Suddenly, I was sobbing... tears of joy. I read that sentence several more times, just to be sure I wasn't crazy. Then, I grabbed my phone, and called Meagan.

Through my ridiculous mess of tears, I attempted to speak. I said: "I just saw your comment on facebook. Does that mean your family wants to officially adopt Pinky???"

She replied: "Absolutely! We love her so much! She's part of the family now!"

Hearing those words, I just couldn't control my tears. I said: "You just can't know what this means to me... but most importantly, to Pinky. All 3 years of her life, and she's been waiting for a family of her own. Knowing that she's finally home...  living with the most amazing family ever... AND with her best friend, Wink! That's just more than I ever dreamed possible! I mean... I just don't even know what to say! You adopted TWO of my babies!!! 'Thank you' could never be enough!"

Her response: "Ashley, our experience with these 2 amazing Pit Bull mixes has truly changed our lives. I should be the one thanking you."

Just like that... the Clearmans joined the Lucky Dog Family... and Pinky joined Wink with the Clearman Family.

Wink & Pinky sleeping with their new brother

And once again... I found the strength... to let go... and keep going.

That's what I do. That's rescue.

*If you'd like to help give other dogs like Wink & Pinky their chance at forever, please click the link below to donate!

CLICK TO DONATE TO LUCKY DOG RESCUE!

*Special thanks to the Clearman family, who adopted TWO of my special babies. And an extra-special thank you to Tuscaloosa Metro Shelter for sending Wink to me, and to ARF... the rescue who lovingly saved and cared for Pinky, before BSL sent Pinky to me, more than one year ago. Without these amazing people, this story wouldn't be possible. Love, Ash

Another Anniversary

Rudy & I

It's amazing how "anniversaries" can hold so much meaning in our minds and hearts.

In truth, an "anniversary" is nothing more than a date... an annual reminder of the specific day that a certain event occurred, in some previous year.

Therefore, the anniversary date itself... holds no power.
Really, it's just another day of the year.

And yet, we give certain dates so much power over us... (for obvious reasons.)

That's because... on that day... however long ago... something happened... and our lives changed forever.

Sometimes... for better.
Sometimes... for worse.

"Happy" anniversaries provide us with the chance to celebrate, to come together, to reminisce.These are the dates that give us something to look forward to, something to smile about, something to be proud of.

Those "good" anniversaries... have their way of making everything else... seem worthwhile.

But then... there are the "other" anniversaries. The tragic anniversaries.
The anniversaries that simply exist... as painful reminders... of the days we'd like to forget.

Often, in our minds, the devastating anniversaries seem to hold even more power than the positive ones.

Because those particular dates have their way...
of bringing the pain of our past...
into our present.

The anniversary of a tragic life event can take us right back to that day... to the very moment it happened.

And no matter how much time has passed...
No matter how hard we've tried to let go...
No matter how much we've worked to move forward...

Each year, on that anniversary date, we're right back there... re-living the worst day of our lives.

Meanwhile...
We don't want to go back to the pain.
We don't want to remember the loss.
We don't want to accept our reality.

Regardless... that anniversary date says: You have to. It's real. It's time.

Even still... anniversaries are only able to do these things to us, because we allow them to do so...
We give that specific date... so much power over us.
And yet, we just can't help ourselves.

Because...
We still wish it wasn't true.
We still hope we'll just wake up.
We still... miss them.

That's why I'm writing today.

In just 2 days, July 8th will be here...

On July 8, 2010, I experienced the sudden, unexpected, devastating loss of my angel pup, Rudy. Two years later, I still mourn his death.

When I saved Rudy, so long ago, he was emaciated, sick, and broken. Further, he was suffering from advanced heartworm disease, due to the neglect of his past.

Soon, he underwent heartworm treatment for his condition. And... because he was so young, I prayed he'd simply bounce right back, and go on to live a long, happy, healthy life... with me, his mom.

Yet, much of the damage to Rudy's heart was irreversible. Therefore, I was always overly-protective of him and insanely-aware of his special needs.
When it came to Rudy, I did everything I could. I gave everything I had. I loved with everything I was.

Even still... God had other plans...

On July 8, 2010, Rudy had a sudden, fatal, heart attack. I came home... to find the dead body of my son. He was just 3 years old.

I never got to say goodbye.

It was the worst day of my life.
It was the fateful, tragic day... that changed all the days after.

Before that day, July had always been my favorite month of the year. It represented summer, and sun, and fun. Plus, it's my birthday month.

So, in years prior, when July rolled around, I was always pretty-darn excited for my upcoming b'day on 7/11.

However, the past 2 years have been much different for me.
July just isn't the same... my birthday just isn't the same... my life just isn't the same.

Instead, when July 1st arrives, I brace myself... 
Just seven more days... until July 8th gets here.

While I try to avoid the heartbreaking mental countdown toward that date, I just can't help myself. No matter how much I try to distract my mind, I'm always increasingly-aware of the upcoming anniversary of Rudy's death.

As I sit here today, with yet-another July 8th right around the corner...
I just wish I could hit Rewind.
Or maybe even Stop.
Or at the very least... Pause.

Unfortunately... life just doesn't work that way.

Honestly, the anniversary of Rudy's death is so much more than a heartbreaking reminder of the painful events of that tragic day... the day that broke my heart, changed my life, and changed me... so long ago.

There's also the realization... that yet-another year has passed... without my Rudy.
He's really gone... forever.
He's never coming back.

For me, it's the day that somehow makes his death... even-more official.
The day that makes it... real... all over again.
The day that seems to represent the undeniable truths... of the reality I so desperately wish to deny.

And... worst of all...
It's the day when I have to acknowledge...
that I'm so much farther away...
from the last time I held my baby.

For 2 years now, I've been desperately clinging to every possible memory of my little boy. And yet... each day, I can feel him slipping further away from me. 

Today, certain things are a little harder to recall.
Certain memories have become a little foggy.
Certain moments with him... have almost left me altogether.

While these realizations break my heart to pieces... I guess that's just how the mind moves on.
As much as we wish to retrieve every moment, every detail, and every encounter in the past...
We simply can't remember everything.
Because if we held onto every past memory, then there'd be no room for all the present memories...

Thus, our current reality... would cease to exist.

Which means... no matter how much we try to hold on...
At some point... the past begins to slip away from us...

Regardless, my love for Rudy will never waver, never change, and never leave me.
I'll never stop needing him.
I'll never stop missing him.
I'll never stop wishing he was here.

Honestly, even as I write these words today... it's so hard to describe the way I truly feel... about my Rudy, and the loss of my baby. He is, was, and always will be... everything to me.

But... here's my best attempt to explain myself:

I save dogs for a living. That's what I do. Animal rescue is my passion, my drive, my purpose. It's my life. For me, my dogs are my children.

I rescue them; I love them; I provide them with hope, homes, and futures.

In doing these things, my heart breaks, on a daily basis. I'm forced to see things, to experience things, and to overcome things... I'm not quite ready for.

And sometimes... it's just too much.

Through my work, I have to let go of my "children" ... the children I love so deeply, in order to send them off to their new forever families.

Despite the pain, I always sought refuge... from my own son... my angel dog, Rudy.

And yet... no matter how many dogs I tried to save... the one dog I wanted for my very own, was taken from me, at such a young age.
Now... he's gone.
I couldn't save him.

While our time on Earth with our pets is never long enough... most people are blessed to spend many, many years with their beloved dogs.

And even though I was beyond blessed to experience Rudy's love... if even for just one second of my life... I can't help but feel like I was cheated... and like he was cheated, out of all those future years we deserved to have together.

He deserved that.
I deserved that.

For 2 years now, I've been forced to spend each day without my Rudy. If he were still alive today, he'd only be 5 years old.

He was so young.
It was too soon.
There was no warning... no time to prepare... no chance to say goodbye.
It's just insanely unfair.

And yet... as I've said many times before, the void in my heart after Rudy's death... was ultimately the catalyst for change in my life.

I'd always had BIG dreams...
Of saving more lives through rescue,
Of owning my own business,
Of being, doing, changing more...

But... in truth, while Rudy was in my life... I was so happy, so loved, so content. At that point in time, there was no need to reach for more. I had Rudy. I had everything.

Back then... I did my best to rescue as many dogs as I could, with what I had, from my home...
But no matter what I did, or didn't do-- I had my Rudy.

Then... at the moment he left me... everything changed.
I almost had to reach for something else... for something more... just to occupy my time... to distract myself from the pain.

The result?
Lucky Dog Retreat, Lucky Dog Rescue, Lucky Dog Rescue Blog, and Pet Pardons.

Today...
Almost 2 years later...
As I look back on my life...
I can't ignore the truth...

Any dream I've ever had for myself... has come true...
because Rudy lived,
and because Rudy died.

But mostly...
Because I loved Rudy.
And because Rudy loved me.

Nothing... not even death... could ever take that away from us.

*Dear Rudy,
In just 2 days... it'll be 2-full-years... since I last saw your face.

Every day since... I've longed for you.. I've wished for you... I've hoped for you.

For me, those feelings will never, ever go away. No matter how long I live... no matter how much time passes, there will never be a day when I don't need you anymore.

Even still... since your death, SO MANY lives have been saved... simply because you lived. I'm constantly in awe of your impact on my life... and on the lives of so many other deserving rescue dogs.

While there will never be another YOU on this Earth...
I'll always live... through you.
And you'll always live... through me.

Because I'm your mom, and that's what moms do. They love... forever.

I'll be there soon, baby boy.
I can't wait to see you again.
Love, -Mom

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*Check back later for my follow-up to this post!

CLICK HERE to read all of my blogs about Rudy